Gremlins (1984)

This is one of my favorite horror-comedies and Christmas films. Gremlins is funny, creepy, and still manages to be a little gory. It’s an original creature feature concept that has yet to be matched. This film wasn’t originally going to be a dark comedy; it was supposed to be a serious creature film. Its effects are wonderful and still hold up over 30 years later. This is a classic campy film that is enjoyable every time of year, but especially during the holidays. Also Gizmo is the cutest thing to ever exist and I wish he was real and I could have him.

Set during Christmas, Billy’s father, Randall, buys him a unique gift while in Hong Kong on a business trip; a cute singing creature called a Mogwai. At first denied purchase by the shop owner, a young boy helps him sneakily purchase it. Upon buying it, he is told three rules: don’t expose it to bright lights, don’t get it wet, and don’t feed it after midnight. He gives it to his son and relays the rules. Billy quickly bonds with Gizmo who likes to sing and be generally adorable. When Gizmo accidentally gets wet, five new Mogwai sprout. These ones are less adorable, and more devious. Led by Stripe, they bully Gizmo, cause trouble, and eventually trick Billy into feeding them after midnight. Once they transform into creepy green gremlins, it’s a race against the clock to stop the gremlins from wreaking havoc all over town.

So this movie is wonderful. As I said before, it’s funny while still managing to be dark and creepy. It’s original concept is what caught Steven Spielberg’s eye in the first place. The movie is well acted for the time, I feel like the 80’s wasn’t the peak time for wonderful acting, but it’s acted well enough that the characters are believable and you invest in them. The effects are one of the main reasons why I love this movie. The puppetry is wonderful, and there’s something about good practical effects that are just so pleasing to me. As I said before, Gizmo is the cutest thing in the world and when he’s being bullied it sends me into a rage. ALSO, I know it says on wikipedia and many other places that it is set in chinatown, BUT HE GETS GIZMO IN HONG KONG. If you look at the original script you will see that it is set there and Randall even says he’s a business man “FROM AMERICA”. Fight me.

I recommend everyone watch film; it’s funny, scary, and original. The effects are fantastic and hold up so well over the years. It’s a great holiday classic and also just a general good horror film. I don’t have many bad things to say about this film, aside from the fact that it is a little dated. Other than that, I highly recommend it.

Netflix available: No

Hulu available: No

Xfinity available: Yes

Amazon Prime available: No

Rating: 4/5

The Lair of the White Worm (1988)

My husband claims this is one of the worst movies he’s ever seen. I think it’s mildly entertaining. To each his own, I guess. The film has a talented cast, and the story is interesting, if not a bit silly. It is based off the Bram Stoker novel and English legend of the Lambton Worm. It’s definitely dated and drags a bit at time, but I don’t think it’s nearly as awful as the Exorcist II.

A Scottish archaeologist, Angus, played by the delightful Peter Capaldi, is excavating a dig site at an English bed and breakfast owned by two sisters, Mary and Eve. When he unearths a big snake skull he thinks it may be evidence of the d’Ampton worm, which was said to have been slain by the ancestors of Lord James d’Ampton, played by a young Hugh Grant. As they begin to dig deeper and deeper into the myth, they start to realize that it may be less of a myth than they thought. Lady Sylvia, a woman in town is a high priestess of a snake god and is sustaining the giant snake underground. They must work to prevent any dangers from occurring to the townspeople.

This movie is silly, I mean the idea of Hugh Grant fighting a giant snake (in all it’s late 80’s glory) is enough to make anyone chuckle. The film does have some tongue in cheek moments, mainly courtesy of Capaldi, and as I said, while the effects and story line can be very unbelievable and silly, I think this movie is fun and entertaining. It isn’t overly long, although it can drag at times, which I think is mostly just an evolution in storytelling over the years. I think overall the movie does its best and it’s definitely different than any other movie I’ve never seen before.

I think this film is worth checking out, but obviously if you asked my husband he would recommend that no one ever watch it ever. I think its something that you need to decide for yourself. It’s a unique film that is definitely a product of the times, with entertaining performances from the cast and a so-silly-it’s-entertaining plot. Even if you don’t like it, the film is certainly an experience. I’d say give it a chance.

Netflix available: No

Hulu available: No

Xfinity available: Yes

Amazon Prime available: Yes

Rating: 2.75/5

 

Dressed to Kill (1980)

Brian De Palma’s 1980’s erotic thriller is an experience from beginning to end. I don’t know that it especially holds up, but it isn’t terrible either. It’s very well made and artistic, it’s definitely a visual film. However, some of the “twists” are a little trite and predictable nowadays, and the reasoning is honestly a little outlandish. The erotic thriller has come and gone as a genre, so this is a cool look into one of the better ones. Despite that, it’s nothing all that special or groundbreaking.

Kate is a housewife who is sexually frustrated and unsatisfied by her husband, a problem she discusses in therapy with Dr. Elliot. While at an art gallery she engages in a flirtatious cat and mouse game with a stranger. She ends up going home with him. She attempts to sneak out after their tryst, trying to write him a love note. While going through his desk she finds the positive results of an STD test. She rushes out, forgetting her wedding ring. While going back to retrieve it, she is murdered by a tall blonde woman. A young call girl, Liz, witnesses the crime and becomes the killers next target. When the police discredit her due to her profession, Liz works together with Kate’s teenage son to track down the murderer. They soon zero in on one of Dr. Elliot’s other patients, a trans woman named Bobbi, who is angry with Dr. Elliot because he refused to sign her gender reassignment papers. Dr. Elliot is continually threatened by Bobbi and is trying to convince Bobbi’s new doctor that she is a danger to herself and others.

The movie is very visual as I said, there are 15 minute spans where there is absolutely no dialogue at all. The cinematography is very entertaining and unique, which keeps the scenes from dragging. After Kate’s murder, the film begins to become a little convoluted and overly complicated. The performances are nothing groundbreaking and the big twist is pretty predictable and honestly, a little offensive, but it’s a product of its time, so you can’t fault it all too much. One of the things about this movie, and a lot of movies that were created before psychology was more wide-spread, is at the end they have a “psychologist” explaining the why and the how and the motivations of the killer to Liz (who acts as a vessel for the audience). I always just think its silly how they felt the need to explain it because they thought the audience would be too stupid to understand it.

This is probably one that you can either skip or watch depending on what you want. I don’t think there’s anything terrible about it, it’s well made, decently acted, the cinematography is definitely the best part. But it’s also dated, overly complicated, and drags in places. You won’t miss it if you don’t watch it, you won’t feel like you wasted your time if you do. It’s a perfectly safe erotic thriller to check out.

Netflix available: No

Hulu available: No

Xfinity available: Yes

Amazon Prime available: Yes

Rating: 3/5

The Kindred (1987)

So this is a fairly unknown monster horror movie that is fairly unknown for a reason. It isn’t terrible, it’s a fairly interesting concept, the special effects aren’t remarkable or especially bad. I think the acting is what really keeps this movie from being anything special. It’s pretty bad. I don’t think I could name a single character or tell you anything about them. Forgettable characters are pretty much the kiss of death for a movie, not even an original concept or good special effects.

This movie follows the son of a scientist, John. On her death bed, his mother instructs John to destroy all her notes about her latest experiment and also informs him that he has a brother. At his mother’s funeral, John meets Melissa, who claims to be a big fan of his mothers work. John, Melissa, and some of his friends go to his mothers house and search for her notes and answers about his mysterious brother, who he later discovers is named Anthony. What he doesn’t expect is that her final experiment and his brother may be one and the same.

As I said before the worst part of this film is the acting. None of the characters really stand out and I don’t care what happens to any of them. When you don’t care about the characters it makes it hard to get invested in the movie and really care about the plot. It’s a shame because it could have been a decent little monster flick. The effects are decent, especially for the time. The writing definitely leaves something to be desired, but I think under the right circumstances this movie could’ve been actually enjoyable.

I recommend checking this out if you’re into creature features, just don’t go in with high expectations. If monster movies aren’t your thing, this is probably one you can skip as its nothing all that special. This is also a difficult one to get a hold of, as it is only available on VHS, although there is rumors that it is going to be distributed on DVD eventually. You can find it on amazon if you look hard enough, there’s sometimes a VHS for sale.

Netflix available: No

Hulu available: No

Xfinity available: No

Rating: 2.5/5

 

 

Friday the 13th (1980)

Okay, so I feel like this is a horror fan sin but, I don’t like this movie. I don’t necessarily dislike the franchise, I feel like as you get further into the series and the films get campier, they actually become pretty enjoyable. But as for this first one… it kind of sucks and I honestly don’t understand why people like it so much. As far as summer camp slashers go, there’s far better out there. This film was one of the early influencers of the slasher genre, and definitely was partially responsible for the slasher boom of the 80’s.

This movie follows a group of camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake who are terrorized by a mysterious killer. The camp was previously shut down when a camper drowned, but they aren’t too concerned about rumors of the camp’s death curse. The counselors are setting up before the campers arrive and engage in a little teenage fun, basically lots of sex. They are soon being picked off one by one and must fight to survive.

Okay, so there’s nothing I can really point to as being WRONG with this movie. The acting isn’t horribly offensive, the filmmaking is pretty on par for the budget and era, and the story isn’t ridiculous or anything. I think my main beef with this movie is that it’s basic as  hell and just plain boring. Some of that could just be me being spoiled by newer slashers, but at the same time, I really enjoy Halloween which is just as simple and low budget, so I don’t know. The characters aren’t exceptionally likable, but don’t necessarily do anything wrong enough to make me happy when they’re offed. I think that may be this movie’s biggest downfall… nothing about it really elicits emotions. I just don’t care one way or another. This movie’s biggest asset is its killer. The performance is equal parts creepy and sympathetic and I think it’s absolutely brilliant.

Would I recommend watching this film? Yes, because dull or not, it is a classic and had a MASSIVE impact on the genre. One thing I will say is I recommend sticking with the franchise, because the later ones are campy and awesome. You just kind of have to plod through some meh movies before you get there. Is this like Dorm that Dripped Blood level terrible? No. Is it Halloween? Also no.

Netflix available: DVD only

Hulu available: No

Xfinity available: Yes, for a fee

Rating: 3/5

The Black Room (1982)

So, this is a pretty obscure film, in fact, I could only get ahold of it on a DVD off eBay. But in my opinion, it was worth tracking down. The film is very low quality, as it only had a $40,000 budget, which even adjusted for today’s inflation is only a little over $100,000. So while it definitely shows in the production, I think it is still a strong film.

This film follows a brother and sister duo, Bridget and Jason, who rent out a dark room in their Hollywood hills mansion for people to have their secret sexual affairs. After a while, the attack and kill their tenants and drain them of their blood. Jason has an illness that requires frequent transfusions so they use their tenants to help extend his life. Bored husband, Larry, rents the room in order to keep his affairs hidden. However this causes an unexpected improvement in his sex life with his wife, Robin, as she enjoys hearing about his “fantasies” in this black room. When she discovers that these fantasies are actually real, she goes to confront the siblings and is in for way more than she expected.

So as I said, this film definitely suffers due to having a minuscule budget and there are definitely some questionable acting and editing moments. One of my biggest complaints is that the lighting is terrible, which obviously is a quality issue, but it is honestly difficult to see the action at times. Another issue is the main drive for the siblings getting the blood… like they have a mansion, so do they not have insurance? Even still, they have to have money, can’t they pay for the doctor out of pocket? Also some of the sex scenes are unintentionally comical.

Overall, if you can get your hands on this film I think it is totally worth doing. It’s funny, it’s original, and it’s definitely creepy at times. I really would love to see what they could have done with a bigger budget. This is certainly an obscure horror film, but sometimes those are the most enjoyable ones.

Netflix available: no

Hulu available: no

Xfintiy available: no

Amazon Prime available: possibly for sale on DVD

Rating: 3.5/5

Waxwork (1988)

I love a good campy horror-comedy, and boy does Waxwork deliver. It takes an interesting concept, and pairs it with silly writing and over the top performances, creating a masterpiece of 80’s horror. It’s like House of Wax with a strange magical twist, not to mention one of the best battle scenes between classic horror villains and a group of elderly men. That sounds like a good Friday night to me.

This movie follows a group of friends who are looking for some excitement and decide to attend a late night tour of a wax museum. As they look around at the models of classic horror figures, they begin to be sucked into the displays, and subjected to the horrific tales they depict. Two members of the group escape and attempt to figure out what could have happened to their friends. Conveniently, an old family friend, who is a member of a secret society) holds the answers and informs the teens that their friends’ souls are being held as part of a ritual to bring about an apocalypse. They return to the waxwork with an army of old men to battle out the monsters who have come to life and prevent the world from being consumed by the dead.

This movie is campy and fun, and shows great appreciation for the classic monsters of horror past. The people who made it clearly love horror movies and used that love to make a silly piece of horror fun. Is it the best movie ever made? No, the acting is weak at times, the effects are so-so, and the logic behind the apocalypse and secret society are reaching at best. But it has some wonderful quotable lines, and the ending battle scene will have you laughing out loud.

I absolutely recommend watching this movie if you love silly horror comedies. It will stick with you for a while, in the best way possible. I don’t know how this movie hasn’t become a camp classic (or maybe it is and I just didn’t know about it), but I think this deserves way more attention than it gets.

Netflix available: DVD

Hulu available: No

Xfinity available: Yes

Amazon prime available: Yes

Rating: 3/5

New Year’s Evil (1980)

New Year’s Evil is bad, but the kind of bad you can have fun laughing at. From what I can tell the film wasn’t made with any intentional camp, despite it being so comedic at times. The acting is terrible, the editing is amateur, the whole plot is messy and contrived, and the musical numbers are unnecessary. Oh yeah, there’s musical numbers alright, as well as minute long cuts of punks violently slam dancing. It’s a genuinely bizarre artistic choice.

The film centers around punk queen Blaze as she hosts a punk rock New Years eve special. Maybe it was before my time, but I just can’t imagine this being a thing? Anyway, as she’s hosting this televised concert, she gets an on-air call threatening her and those she cares about. She tries to brush it off at first, but the threat begins to seem more and more real. Meanwhile, we watch the killer travel across the country in the course of several hours, committing murders as midnight strikes in each time zone, planning to end with Blaze on the west coast. In between these acts are the shots of mosh pits and full length original song performances.

So where does this film go wrong? Pretty much everywhere. I haven’t put a ton of effort into the math but it just seems improbable that someone could make that journey and do all the stuff he does. Also, there’s a scene in the beginning that doesn’t make much sense if the killer is working alone, which is a pretty big plot hole. One unique thing this movie does is that a lot of it follows the killer, his journey, and his plan. More time is spent with him than most slasher villains, which I think was a refreshing route to take, it’s just a shame he wasn’t more interesting. None of the characters really stand out, although the son’s mental breakdown where he puts a stocking on his head is kind of hilariously random.

I don’t know that I’d say this film is exactly WORTH watching, but it’s kind of hilariously bad enough that you’ll have a good time if you watch it. Plus some of the artistic choices that were made are just so strange you kind of have to see it to believe it.

Netflix available? No

Hulu available? Yes

Xfinity available? No

Rating: 2/5

Hellraiser (1987)

Want to talk about a film that holds up? Let’s talk about Hellraiser. This movie is a creative and unique gore-fest that still looks great 30 years later. This film is a great example of why using quality practical effects will always be superior to CGI. The gore in this film is STILL brutally sickening, and that’s due to special effects done right.

This film begins with Frank, a man looking for the ultimate of physical pleasures, solving a puzzle box, only to be torn apart by hooks and chains, vanishing into another dimension. We flash to his relatives, his niece Kirsty is a young woman whose father, Larry is moving into the family home with his new wife Julia. Kirsty does not care for Julia as she cheated on Larry with Frank. While moving in the furniture, Larry gets a cut. His blood seeps through the floor, resurrecting Frank’s bloody, skinless, malformed body. Julia finds him and agrees to bring him people to feed on so he can be restored to his human form. Seeing Julia bring home men leads Kirsty to believe that her stepmother is having an affair, so she barges in to confront her. She instead finds Frank feeding on a victim. She steals the puzzle box and escapes. Solving the puzzle summons the Cenobites, explorers from across dimensions that seek the extremes of carnal pleasures (and pain). Kirsty strikes up a deal to return Frank to them for her freedom, but it becomes more difficult than she originally thought.

This is one of my favorite horror movies. The acting is great from the entire cast, they are all so committed to their characters and this strange world they are existing in. Secondly, as I already stated, the effects hold up spectacularly. The gore and character design is unique and gruesome in the best way possible. Living in an age of reboots and sequels, a problem that is extending well beyond the horror genre at this point, the originality of this film really shines. However, one downside may be that because it is a unique storyline, it may be difficult to follow at times, as the rules of the universe can be slightly unclear (a problem that worsens as the franchise progresses).

In my opinion, this film is a horror classic and any horror fan should check it out for a refreshing, bloody good time.

Netflix available? Streaming and DVD

Hulu available? Yes

Xfinity available? Yes, for a fee.

Rating: 4.5/5